Dear Diary,
Inadequate. That is how I feel tonight. Inadequate... Google dictionary describes the word as an adjective. Meaning: lacking the quality or quantity required; insufficient for a purpose.
My purpose is to take care of my family. To help those around me. To provide a loving home, that is safe, and cultures learning and growth. And to help my children grow in every aspect they need.
With all those beautiful things I get to do, I just have been feeling lacking and insufficient in all that I am doing for my family. It is NEVER enough. There just isn't enough of me to accomplish everything.
I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself because probably every mother in the world feels like they need 3 more of them self copied and one Mom for cleaning, one Mom for driving kids everywhere, one Mom for medicine, one Mom for homework, etc. There are a lot of roles to fill being a Mom. Especially a Mom with a husband deployed who is quite wimpy.
Connor was in speech therapy until about a year ago when he just barely qualified to get out of speech... In my joy, I said I would continue to work with him at home. After all, starting in the fall he and I would be home alone while the 3 big kids were at school. Then, we moved during the summer. Then, Derek deployed and all my hopes and dreams of one on one with Connor somehow didn't turn out how I wanted and I became so inadequate to fulfill his speech requirements.
I had him retested today, and he is at a new 3 year old level and he turns 4 at the end of the next month or in 33 days to be precise. So not a huge deficit, but enough.
Why isn't there a magic button for Mom's that is a loud announcer that shouts out, "Don't be down, you are doing ok, keep going!" every time life gets chaotic. Or, "it will be ok and I promise your kid will turn out a normal human being who thrives in society someday."
I guess that's why God gave us church. It must be that little announcer for us... Our new program at church is called, "Come Follow Me". We are learning in the New Testament and tonight while reading an awesome quote came up right as I was feeling "inadequate".
"Have you ever felt inadequate to meet all the needs you see around
you—in your home, in your relationships, or in society? Jesus’s
disciples must have felt inadequate when He asked them to feed over five
thousand hungry people (see Matthew 14:21)
when there were only five loaves of bread and two fish available. As
you read about the miracle that happened next, ponder how God might use
your humble offerings of service to bless those around you."
So, I guess what I learned tonight is that my meager 5 loaves of bread, and 2 fish I have for my kids is enough. They will get what they need. I just need a little faith, and to not give up on them. I know I didn't "fail" Connor by not working harder on his speech. There were a million other strings pulling me in other directions... I got my family moved, my husband deployed, Thanksgiving, Christmas, school, piano lessons, soccer games, sick snuggles, LOTS of sick snuggles, and a LOT of love with those few loaves of bread and fish I have had to offer the last year. I just need to replenish them and keep giving what I have and let the Lord take on the rest I guess.
Then, before I know it Captain Wimpy Pants will get home and I can pass the torch on to him for a while.
Wimpy Mom fried brains is starting to stink up. It must be time for bed. Until I can form another coherant thought.
Good night and adieu,
Wimpy Mom
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
Wednesday, March 20, 2019
Entry #19 Wimping by. Kind of like gimping by. I know it's not that funny. Laugh anyway ok.
Dear Diary,
Did I mention I through this amazing dance party last month? See what I miss out on being too wimpy to write in my diary...
For Valentines Day, Captain Wimpy Pants (aka My husband/ kids Dad who is making us wimpy) sent the kids these amazing gorgeous pop up Valentines cards. They were amazing! Kael got a dragon, Elara a unicorn rainbow, Eden a lady bug , and Connor a train. Mine was a hedgehog on a mushroom and SO cute. He also somehow managed to have flowers shipped to me. Made my box I shipped him with swedish fish, and cadbury eggs look pathetic.
It really was so sweet. Shortly after on the 22nd of February I through a Daddy/Daughter Dance for activity days. It is our church program for girls ages 7-11. Derek's cousins Andrew and Blake took Elara and Eden to the dance. Kael was so sick I took him to the doctor that day. He and I had been sick forever.
The dance was amazing if I say so myself and I do. I put a TON of work into it. There was a photo booth, everyone got to decorate their own cupcake, they decorated tiaras, the music was amazing, we filled 500 balloons for a balloon drop, we had bubbles, and spent all day decorating. I have really enjoyed working with the other activity days leaders. It has definitely been fun even though it's also crazy at times. We have almost 20 active girls for only 3 leaders.
The next day was the pinewood derby. Andrew and Blake had also put in a ton of work helping Kael build his pinewood derby car. He wanted to win so badly and to have a pretty sweet looking car. They taught him so many things and had him help all along the way. It was such a great experience. Kael ended up taking 3rd place for the webelos and 4th place for the entire group of about 26 boys! We felt like that was a huge win and was so fun to actually have such a fast car!
I am just so grateful for all the angels in our lives while Derek is gone. We have been so blessed this entire journey. Family and friends have really stepped up to make sure we have a positive experience and our whole family is so grateful.
The 3 big kids started playing soccer at the end of February and life has gotten crazy busy! Soccer practices during the week and games all day on Saturdays.
March brought spring break. We kept busy ALL week and it turned out to be really fun. Soccer games kicked us off March 9th, church on the 10th. On Monday the 11th we did a beach trip in the morning and it was so worth the exhaustion to see the waves. The kids even got in. I wasn't brave enough and didn't want to drive home wet. Wimpy Mom cannot stand driving for hours wet and sandy. Eden had soccer practice that night because we don't take a break from kids activities during spring break apparently. Then, Tuesday we went to How to Train Your Dragon 3. It was amazing. And yes, I cried, because wimpy Mom's cry at everything. Then, more soccer practice and gymnastics. Wednesday was another fun movie that was an oldie. We saw Matilda at the theater and it was super fun watching it with the kids. That day brought more soccer practice, and gymnastics. Before practice though Kael noticed Merlin was looking off. He actually started having seizures. Our poor lizard was SO sick. I was able to get him an appointment at the veterinary clinic. We brought him in and it turned out Merlin was dying... It was so sad. They kept him over night in hopes maybe he would get better. The next morning he actually looked worse and we had to make the very sad decision to put Merlin down. It was a long couple of days and was so hard for both the kids and myself. Our sweet lizard had been such a good friend to us. His lights were always a comfort for me and he was just so sweet.
Thursday morning the kids had piano lessons and then we went to say goodbye to Merlin. We got to bring him home in a box. I then had a CT scan for my sinuses that won't ever heal. We had plans to go camping in San Marcos with our family and they were so kind to let us bury him up there. Kael passed off several scout certifications with the help of Derek's cousins. We had a huge fire and roasted hot dogs, sausage and marshmallows. We had to hold Connor back from the fire because the kid loved trying to walk right into it. I made a smash cake for Juli's birthday. It was so fun. The boys up there decided to make her a high chair to eat the cake in. It is going to be a fun new tradition.
The weather was absolutely perfect for camping and was so fun. Only thing that could have made it perfect was if my air mattress didn't deflate in the middle of the night. We came home Friday and I got medicine because the CT showed I have a sinus infection that I've basically been fighting since the beginning of January! It was nice to finally realize something is in fact not right and I have been feeling lousy for a reason. I got put on 3 more weeks of antibiotics. Then, the preparations for the weekend began because we had an 8 am soccer game the next morning. Soccer was super fun on Saturday. Sunday, Connor gave his first ever talk in church and it was so cute and so sweet. I am so proud of him!
Monday was back to school and the fun festivities were over. The busy routines are back and we are plugging along as hard as we can until we can take a break and see our Captain Wimpy Pants when he gets home in less than 2 months!!! Can you believe that!? Miracles do happen and time does pass, some days slow and some days fast, but it is always passing whether we want it to or not.
Our sweet Eden turned 9 on March 18, 2019. She has been looking forward to this birthday probably since the day after her birthday last year. She decided she wants a friends birthday party, which will take place this coming Friday. On the day of though I brought her cupcakes for her class at school, and got her McDonalds for her lunch and ate lunch with her at school. She was so sweet and so happy and said life was so good she felt she didn't need any presents. She is such a kind girl and is so fun to be around. She is always happy and energetic and is such a wonderful daughter and sister. She is so good to always try and include her siblings especially Elara. I'm so proud of the young lady she is becoming. For her birthday dinner she wanted breakfast for dinner. Then, she had soccer practice that night and when we got home she got to open her presents from Mom and Dad and her birthday cards from Grammy, Grandma Heaton, and Grandma Sapp.
The girl is spoiled, but it was so worth it to see her face as she was spoiled. She got a $45 shopping trip with Mom for clothes, 3 new pairs of earrings with one as her birth stone, and a karaoke machine.
We sure love her so very much! Then we proceeded to give her birthday spanking through the birthday tunnel. She happily obliged.
Now it is prep for her friends party. It should be amazing. Pokemon games and Pokemon themed everything. She told me she wanted a "Bulbasar" themed party. I had to use google for that, and it turns out it is pretty fun with lots of ideas to pull from.
We are staying so so busy, but it really does help pass the time because the anticipation of Captain Wimpy Pants getting home is growing exponentially.
It is so late. I need to stop. Maybe just maybe I can find time to write more often so it won't take this long next time... Or not.
Did I mention I through this amazing dance party last month? See what I miss out on being too wimpy to write in my diary...
For Valentines Day, Captain Wimpy Pants (aka My husband/ kids Dad who is making us wimpy) sent the kids these amazing gorgeous pop up Valentines cards. They were amazing! Kael got a dragon, Elara a unicorn rainbow, Eden a lady bug , and Connor a train. Mine was a hedgehog on a mushroom and SO cute. He also somehow managed to have flowers shipped to me. Made my box I shipped him with swedish fish, and cadbury eggs look pathetic.
It really was so sweet. Shortly after on the 22nd of February I through a Daddy/Daughter Dance for activity days. It is our church program for girls ages 7-11. Derek's cousins Andrew and Blake took Elara and Eden to the dance. Kael was so sick I took him to the doctor that day. He and I had been sick forever.
The dance was amazing if I say so myself and I do. I put a TON of work into it. There was a photo booth, everyone got to decorate their own cupcake, they decorated tiaras, the music was amazing, we filled 500 balloons for a balloon drop, we had bubbles, and spent all day decorating. I have really enjoyed working with the other activity days leaders. It has definitely been fun even though it's also crazy at times. We have almost 20 active girls for only 3 leaders.
The next day was the pinewood derby. Andrew and Blake had also put in a ton of work helping Kael build his pinewood derby car. He wanted to win so badly and to have a pretty sweet looking car. They taught him so many things and had him help all along the way. It was such a great experience. Kael ended up taking 3rd place for the webelos and 4th place for the entire group of about 26 boys! We felt like that was a huge win and was so fun to actually have such a fast car!
I am just so grateful for all the angels in our lives while Derek is gone. We have been so blessed this entire journey. Family and friends have really stepped up to make sure we have a positive experience and our whole family is so grateful.
The 3 big kids started playing soccer at the end of February and life has gotten crazy busy! Soccer practices during the week and games all day on Saturdays.
March brought spring break. We kept busy ALL week and it turned out to be really fun. Soccer games kicked us off March 9th, church on the 10th. On Monday the 11th we did a beach trip in the morning and it was so worth the exhaustion to see the waves. The kids even got in. I wasn't brave enough and didn't want to drive home wet. Wimpy Mom cannot stand driving for hours wet and sandy. Eden had soccer practice that night because we don't take a break from kids activities during spring break apparently. Then, Tuesday we went to How to Train Your Dragon 3. It was amazing. And yes, I cried, because wimpy Mom's cry at everything. Then, more soccer practice and gymnastics. Wednesday was another fun movie that was an oldie. We saw Matilda at the theater and it was super fun watching it with the kids. That day brought more soccer practice, and gymnastics. Before practice though Kael noticed Merlin was looking off. He actually started having seizures. Our poor lizard was SO sick. I was able to get him an appointment at the veterinary clinic. We brought him in and it turned out Merlin was dying... It was so sad. They kept him over night in hopes maybe he would get better. The next morning he actually looked worse and we had to make the very sad decision to put Merlin down. It was a long couple of days and was so hard for both the kids and myself. Our sweet lizard had been such a good friend to us. His lights were always a comfort for me and he was just so sweet.
Thursday morning the kids had piano lessons and then we went to say goodbye to Merlin. We got to bring him home in a box. I then had a CT scan for my sinuses that won't ever heal. We had plans to go camping in San Marcos with our family and they were so kind to let us bury him up there. Kael passed off several scout certifications with the help of Derek's cousins. We had a huge fire and roasted hot dogs, sausage and marshmallows. We had to hold Connor back from the fire because the kid loved trying to walk right into it. I made a smash cake for Juli's birthday. It was so fun. The boys up there decided to make her a high chair to eat the cake in. It is going to be a fun new tradition.
The weather was absolutely perfect for camping and was so fun. Only thing that could have made it perfect was if my air mattress didn't deflate in the middle of the night. We came home Friday and I got medicine because the CT showed I have a sinus infection that I've basically been fighting since the beginning of January! It was nice to finally realize something is in fact not right and I have been feeling lousy for a reason. I got put on 3 more weeks of antibiotics. Then, the preparations for the weekend began because we had an 8 am soccer game the next morning. Soccer was super fun on Saturday. Sunday, Connor gave his first ever talk in church and it was so cute and so sweet. I am so proud of him!
Monday was back to school and the fun festivities were over. The busy routines are back and we are plugging along as hard as we can until we can take a break and see our Captain Wimpy Pants when he gets home in less than 2 months!!! Can you believe that!? Miracles do happen and time does pass, some days slow and some days fast, but it is always passing whether we want it to or not.
Our sweet Eden turned 9 on March 18, 2019. She has been looking forward to this birthday probably since the day after her birthday last year. She decided she wants a friends birthday party, which will take place this coming Friday. On the day of though I brought her cupcakes for her class at school, and got her McDonalds for her lunch and ate lunch with her at school. She was so sweet and so happy and said life was so good she felt she didn't need any presents. She is such a kind girl and is so fun to be around. She is always happy and energetic and is such a wonderful daughter and sister. She is so good to always try and include her siblings especially Elara. I'm so proud of the young lady she is becoming. For her birthday dinner she wanted breakfast for dinner. Then, she had soccer practice that night and when we got home she got to open her presents from Mom and Dad and her birthday cards from Grammy, Grandma Heaton, and Grandma Sapp.
The girl is spoiled, but it was so worth it to see her face as she was spoiled. She got a $45 shopping trip with Mom for clothes, 3 new pairs of earrings with one as her birth stone, and a karaoke machine.
We sure love her so very much! Then we proceeded to give her birthday spanking through the birthday tunnel. She happily obliged.
Now it is prep for her friends party. It should be amazing. Pokemon games and Pokemon themed everything. She told me she wanted a "Bulbasar" themed party. I had to use google for that, and it turns out it is pretty fun with lots of ideas to pull from.
We are staying so so busy, but it really does help pass the time because the anticipation of Captain Wimpy Pants getting home is growing exponentially.
It is so late. I need to stop. Maybe just maybe I can find time to write more often so it won't take this long next time... Or not.
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