Dear Diary,
I've decided people don't want to hear about how someone who is going through a difficult time is "really" doing. It's a polite way of saying hello is all... If you answer cheerfully, "Life is hard, but we are managing, and we've made it this far and by golly we are gonna do great!" They love it and makes them feel good because they were considerate of you, but don't have to do anything.
If you answer more truthfully, "Do you REALLY want to know?" Life sucks most of the time, it's really hard, I don't know how to stay on top of everything, but I know you don't want to really have to put in time that you don't have to find a way to help, so please don't feel bad, and now you know it's hard and that's really how I'm doing."
Then, they feel like crap because they don't know how to help you not that they probably could help, but they just leave feeling weird, like wow sucks to be her...
It's better to just politely smile and get on with life and if you really do need help with something to think of someone specifically to help, or nothing gets done.
I'm a wimp though and hate asking for help.
Some things on my to do list haven't gotten checked off since right after Derek left...
-Still can't figure out what kind of edging line I need to buy.
-Still need to dump old gasoline and buy new gasoline for my lawn mower.
-Million kids school papers to file.
-Light bulbs purchased and changed out.
-And the never ending to do list goes on...
If anyone wants to accomplish those things for this wimpy Mom I'd grately appreciate it.
The point of all this isn't to make people feel bad, or to complain... I guess I've just been thinking a lot lately, do people REALLY want to know how I am doing when they ask?
I don't always get asked "how" I'm doing... Now it's how long has he been gone? Oh that's great you've come so far... To which sometimes I feel like wanting to scream I still have forever to go...
But I put on that smile and do my best to hold my crap together.... Because although I am wimpy, I am also polite.
I've really been feeling down lately. More like a roller coaster, I feel super powered at some moments and then others to be honest I'm sitting on the floor bawling like a baby. (totally allowed on wimpy mom blogs) Like the time two days ago when I kicked a soccer ball and sprained my thumb. That hurt... "Another long story"
I've been finding it getting harder and harder to be positive and have really felt lost lately. I've been told I am enthusiastic and happy, and the longer this goes on the less I feel that way, or not the less I am, but the less I "want" to be enthusiastic and happy, and at times it feels like I'm losing it... Coo coo crazy pants. I'd like to blame the winter blues for making me so wimpy this last month.
BUT, it's time to change. I can be wimpy AND positive. And I'm going to look for the positive, happy, good things for the next 3 1/2 months. Because even if it is the downhill finally, it is a VERY long hill to go down...
Now, that being said, funny stories. Derek got the kids Just Dance for Christmas. Almost every night before bed we have a dance off party. Kael wins EVERY single time. He hops around and sticks out his tongue, but he WINS! It's rather funny and it's something even Connor can get into.
The dentist at the kids last dentist appointment told Elara to start wiggling one of her baby teeth because the permanent tooth is growing in behind it. I've been lazy and not wanting to wiggle it... She REALLY wants it out though. She just doesn't have the strength to get it wiggly because without the other tooth pushing it out it is basically stuck.
So, last night she got really brave and we got dental floss and she wanted us to try slamming the door to pull the tooth out. We tried about 5 times and the knot would come untied. She was never afraid and just kept wanting to try even though I'm sure it had to hurt a little.... She was so excited to tell Heidi what we did, and try again tonight.
Heidi knows her stuff and knew the tooth wasn't wiggly enough so she was cranking on the tooth. We tried thread this time and made it double thick and did like 10 knots. When we slammed the door the thread just snapped off! She wanted to try again so we did and it happened again. It made it slightly more wiggly and the thread was still attached to her tooth so she had Kael grab the thread and yank really hard! The thread just broke again. It got a little more wiggly and bled, but I think more because she scratched her gums.
She is SO brave and wants to just keep trying. Hopefully we get the tooth out soon so the other tooth has some room to grow. I can't believe how brave she is.
She was also super excited to tell us tonight her teacher is going to have a baby. Her cute face was so fun hearing her tell the story. She also got picked to have a speaking part in her music class performance!
Kael is such a sweet big brother. Elara cried for about 30 minutes after school because Kael and Eden got to go to a friends house to play and she didn't. When Kael got home and heard he went up to talk to her and promised her he would play minecraft with her and to not be sad. What big brother does that?! He is amazing!
Eden can do a back bend all on her own now. She went to karate tonight and was so excited she convinced her class to try and do the splits! She is always so happy and energetic. She is such a light and always sees the good even when life is hard.
I'm worried about Connor's speech. I think he is starting to have more vocabulary, but I'm not sure about his comprehension... I should probably get it checked out, but it is just one more thing on the list...
Freya has scratches on her nose that have me worried... I'll probably take her to the vet. And thankfully Odin is all vaccinated for another year! No reaction this year and he did great. A lot more expensive though.
I don't know if I ever wrote about Heidi coming to stay with us. As I try to remember the positive, Heidi is definitely the most positive part of our lives. Heidi is Derek's cousin and is going to Physical Therapy Assistant school. She is basically the coolest person I know and has become my favorite girl roommate ever. Heidi's school was about a 2 hour drive from San Marcos in traffic, so she asked to live with us during the week. I LOVE having our spare bedroom and I am so happy she is here.
I have definitely needed her as a friend, and she helps with the kids, and makes us all feel so happy whenever she is around. She is one of my favorite people ever. I'm so excited, happy, and overjoyed she will be here with us until Derek gets back. If I can't have Derek then Heidi is definitely the next best thing.
Heidi listens to what I like to call Mom vomit. She has taken on Derek's roll of coming home and hearing all about my day. Whatever random thought enters my mind, Heidi gets to hear all about it. And I don't know how she does it, but she listens, has all the right reactions, and laughs with me every time. It's amazing.
And for my grand finale. Heidi and I were cleaning up the dishes tonight because have I mentioned how cool Heidi is? She helps do my dishes people! So she washed and I was drying and putting away dishes and I went to a bottom shelf and opened the cupboard and I screamed like a a a I don't know I screamed REALLY LOUD and yelled and ran away and slammed the cupboard shut.
Heidi was laughing what is it?!
A COCKROACH! A GIANT COCKROACH! Yes, I squealed/yelled...
So, I got the spray and Kael came running in to our rescue. He emptied the cupboard and sprayed the nasty thing! Kael has definitely took man of the house seriously and he is so brave. haha
Heidi then looked and laughed and said, "It's big, but not as big as I imagined". Probably because I screamed so loud. haha
Wimpy Mom!
Then, Kael got the mini vacuum and sucked that baby up and put it in the trash.
THE END!
Love,
Wimpy Mom
PS: I miss Captain Wimpy Pants
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