Dear Diary,
First, I just don't know what to write. I have failed to keep up writing as time went on. As usual. I over booked myself the last 3 months. The kids all wanted to do soccer, so what do I do? I sign them all up for soccer. It was so much work. SO much work, but we had SO much fun. The challenge of getting up early on a Saturday to make an 8 am rainy game was so worth the headache for all the fun memories. Cheering on siblings and improving and supporting each other. Not to mention it was nice to stay busy while Dad was gone.
It is a surreal experience being on the other side of the deployment. I can remember this time last year finding out that Derek would be leaving. An entire year ago, which seems a life time. Knowing that we volunteered for this journey did not make that news any less crushing of a reality and having to face it. Something I have learned from this experience is that life really is about the choices we make. We get to decide how we feel about our life circumstances. We get to decide if we are happy or not. We get to decide the journey, and how we want to handle it. Choice or agency is one of the greatest gifts from God, and I am grateful for the choices my family has made.
We chose to be happy, and to love others. We chose to serve our country. This was not the way we imagined serving others initially, but it has been such a unique and uplifting journey. We have learned so many new things, and we are definitely stronger from this journey. I'm glad we didn't choose an easier route. I feel like we have been broken down and built stronger.
I am looking forward every second of every day to see Derek again. Losing my Dad and Rick has shown me real loss, and so the joy I feel being able to see Derek again is so sweet and so special. It's so close. Seeing the joy come on the kids faces when they talk of seeing Dad again is so precious.
I have been told recently by several people it seemed like the time flew by and that he only just left, and then it is followed by the same question how did it seem for you? When you aren't thinking of a person every second of every day the time does pass for that. For me, there were times when the time was extremely fast, but most of the time it went backwards. Keeping focused on the children and their needs was a good distraction and helped, but there wasn't a day that went by that I wasn't thinking of Derek and hoping he was well. Or worried something might go wrong. So yes, it went quickly, but in other ways it was an eternity.
I look forward to helping someone else in the future who is going to face this journey. It is unique, and special, but so rewarding if you just want to do a little good in the world.
So, here at the end of the journey, I guess I feel gratitude. Gratitude for all the help we have received. Gratitude that we made it, and safe! Gratitude for so many things. For changing and becoming stronger and the person and family we are now.
I had a friend tell me last night that when we are newly married with young children and still in school we have the mentality that if we just get through med school then things will get better, then if I just make it through residency then things will get better, then on and on. If older Sharice could go back to younger Sharice I would laugh at myself. I have ALWAYS implemented the quote "Find joy in the journey", but I feel like more now than ever. Life is LIFE. There will ALWAYS be challenges, and hardships to face. It's the choices we make and our attitude that determine how well we will conquer and succeed in this life. I have gratitude for every step of this journey so far. I am SO grateful to Derek for bringing me an the kids along for this ride. I LOVE our life together. Life is better because we are a we. Goodness I miss him and each step closer he gets to home my heart gets more full and feels like bursting.
My Dad use to say, " When Derek is gone, we all miss Derek", because I would talk non stop about missing him, so everyone had to miss him with me. Except this is true. We all miss Derek. And in 3 short days that ache can go away and I am GRATEFUL!
Random thoughts for the night.
The kids started swim team tonight. It was a challenge since they haven't swam hard since last summer. Poor Elara was so exhausted, scared of drowning, and suffered through it. There were tears, but I think she will make it. Connor loves the water and loved his time in the water. Kael and Eden are excited to become better swimmers.
Soccer is officially over for spring. The last games for everyone were canceled and it was a sad day. We are officially getting ready for Dad to get home. The last "We serve too" club meeting is tomorrow. That has been such a huge blessing for the kids.
One day at a time.
Love,
Wimpy Mom
